How to make spring happen: a helpful guide

1. Refuse to wear a jacket
2. Buy pretty dresses
3. Obsess over patios more than usual
4. Wax poetic with strangers about sunshine
5. Plant a kitchen herb garden
6. Start ordering cold drinks at cafes
7. Sleep with your window open
8. Use aggressive willpower
9. Clap for budding trees—cheer them on!
10. Be shameless, start fresh, keep trying

Honorable mentions: get engaged (if my FB newsfeed is any indication), plan trips, and ridicule melting snow
 

Plight of the modern day Sisyphus

Trying to explain...

1. The internet to old people
2. Life before texting to teenagers
3. Anything to a Republican

Awesome stuff, part 1

1. Feeling bold—and acting boldly
2. Welcomed real life plot twists
3. When your bed hugs you back
4. Hot chocolate with almond milk
5. Lots and lots of twinkle lights

Tough lessons for the eternal optimist

1. Life will either function just fine without you (offensive!) or fall apart entirely (frustrating!)
2. The world is full of Peter Pans; Prince Erics are endangered
3. The faster you write, the more often your pencil lead will break
4. The most reasonable advice you give will frequently go unfollowed
5. All good books, TV series, trips, and daydreams eventually come to an end

Things that seem impossible even though they're technically not

1. Gauging romantic interest
2. Fitting anything back into a suitcase
3. Collective political action
4. Latin declensions
5. Anxiety-free parallel parking and/or punctual transit

Honorable mentions: eating only one potato chip, saying goodbye, umbrellas that don't break

Autumn is the most wonderful time of the year

1. Season premieres
2. Not wearing real pants (leggings!)
3. Boots, sweater dresses, scarves
4. Foliage, foliage, foliage
5. New school/office supplies
6. Soup, baking, cozy drinks
7. My overwhelming desire to throw theme parties
8. Flying kites, long walks, playing outside
9. Bright, blustery afternoons (perfect for daydreaming)
10. Crisp nights laced with potential

Instahappy: a top five list

1. Feminist Ryan Gosling

2. The pug head tilt

3. Cats photoshopped into famous paintings

4. Parody rap

5. A damn good flirtation

Dear men of OkCupid and the internet: some helpful dating advice

1. Don't lie about your height. Who are you kidding? Just be honest. You can't do a thing about it and potential ladies of interest will notice those inches that you fudged when you meet in person, anyway. Especially if they're tall.

2. Sure, you can view someone's OkCupid profile five times a day. Or alternatively, you can just say hello.

3. Be literate and thoughtful about the personal information that you share as well as the individual conversations that you have with women. Those are your best chances to make an impression. If you can't spell, effectively string a few sentences of winsome banter together, or articulate who you are with a certain degree of self-awareness and humor... then this isn't the venue for you.

4. You don't want to be friends. You want a date! You want to makeout. You want to navigate the murky waters of contemporary romance. Stop selecting "new friends" as an option for what you're interested in. There's no need for charades. (And if you are looking for new friends, look elsewhere. Dating websites are for dating.)

5. If someone attractive catches your eye, don't send her a chat message on a weekday afternoon begging for the details and dimensions of her breasts.

6. Dogs and cats are sure-fire girl bait. Choose profile photos accordingly.

7. The first thing that people notice about you is probably not your hipster beard—and that's okay. Dig a little deeper. Post some quirks instead.

8. Be specific. This is your time to shine and say something about yourself that gets lost in translation with all those missed connections at parties, coffee shops, and street corners. Everyone likes "different kinds of music" and "going out with their friends." What makes you stand out?

9. I've said it before and I'll say it again: a) the internet is real life, and b) the world is smaller than you think. Keep that in mind as you meet new people, answer or ignore messages, learn interesting details about strangers or divulge a few of your own. You never know when your paths may cross again.

10. No one is out of your league. There are only people who are attracted to you and people who aren't.

I'll never understand

1. Young men's fierce relationship with experimental facial hair
2. People that say "I'm not a feminist, but..." (heavy sigh)
3. People who "eat to live, not live to eat" (get off my lawn!)
4. People who don't like animals (also: judgement)
5. Celebrity gossip
6. Pro-gun legislation
7. Political Stockholm syndrome
8. Car-centric cities with poor urban planning
9. Haphazard capitalization and double spaces
10. Winter cycling, camping, sports, etc.

25 secret aspirations, alternative career paths, and daydreams

1. Advice columnist
2. Therapist
3. Sexual health educator
4. Life coach/consultant
5. Dog whisperer
6. Chef/professional foodie/cheesemonger
7. Graphic designer/photographer
8. Epic event planner
9. Manicurist
10. Proprietor of books
11. Art & antiques dealer
12. Lawyer
13. Hair model
14. Museum/gallery curator
15. English professor
16. Intense feminist historian
17. Roller derby goddess
18. Poet/screenwriter/novelist
19. Urban planner
20. Social politics/nonprofit advocacy
21. Academic advisor
22. Something where making kickass playlists is a job
23. Stand up comic
24. Indie coffee shop owner
25. Captain of all the boats